I've been sick for about 2 weeks now and it has been rather boring and maddening but for the last few days I have been trying to take advantage of my time alone to sort out some things in my brain.
I feel like I've locked a lot away over the past few years and lately I have been unlocking and uncovering the things I once knew were important to me but had overwhelmed me or scared me. I'm still trying to figure out what got me so scared of the things I really care about.
It might be because it takes a lot of courage to act on or express the things that are important to you. It's terrifying because once they are out of you and into someone else's view for judgment, they can easily deem it unimportant. And while their opinion should not mean everything, it is still alienating and disappointing to hear from someone that what you care about doesn't matter. So maybe that is why I locked a lot away and I don't always speak about the things that really fascinate me or mean a lot to me.
But I am working on unlocking and surrounding myself with what I am passionate about. No more excuses.